50 Shades of Abuse Flyer - Canada
Use, redistribute, print.
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Okay. I understood all the flack Twilight got for being an abusive relationship. Because it was and it was being read by a very young and impressionable audience. But ffs, 50 Shades is an ADULT NOVEL. Iit is about a BDSM couple. Which - newsflash - do exist. It is a completely consensual form of dominate/submissive sex play. The whole concept of domestic violence and abuse is that one side exerts control over an unwilling victim. I don’t recall Anastasia, or whatever she’s called, protesting to Christian’s form of sex. If I remember correctly, she quite enjoyed it! So before you condemn a work of romanticizedfiction, actually consider it’s audience and remember that they are mature and capable enough to know the difference between reality and fiction.
so i guess you didn’t read the parts where he coerces her and the part where he continues after she has used her safeword and acts like a fucking creep whenever they aren’t having sex
it is the worst possible introduction to BDSM i could imagine
i know my shit okay
im hoping the people defending this book are 1. never getting into BDSM 2. not currently into BDSM 3. havent read the book bc i dont want to believe anyone is that fucking stupid
knowledge on you right now.
Wanna know the BDSM mantra? Safe, sane, consensual.
So let me explain why this book was devoid of all three of these things.
Safe - In the first few chapters of the novel, Christian Grey tracks Ana’s cell phone to find her at a club. Takes her home when she’s drunk, changes her when she’s so intoxicated she doesn’t remember him doing so,and informs her he will be keeping tabs on her for her own benefit. This is not the behaviour of a respectable Dominant. This is the behaviour of a power hungry, abusive asshole who really can’t take no for an answer.
Sane - One of the most important parts of BDSM is aftercare. Scenes can be extremely traumatizing and intense for the submissive. Aftercare is anything from petting to cuddling to holding to sweet talking, whatever degree of gentleness a bottom would need to pull them out of “subspace”. How does Christian provide aftercare? He submits Ana to a traumatizing first time spanking experience AND THEN FUCKING LEAVES. AND GETS MAD THAT SHE DIDN’T TELL HIM SHE WAS UPSET. He’s the one who should fucking know better! That, again, is not the act of a responsible Dominant. It’s the act of a selfish abuser.
Consensual - Did I mention he undressed her when she was belligerently drunk? Tracked her phone to locate her? He also buys her a new car despite her saying no countless times. Now, consent is important for any kind of sexual activity at all. Consent means informed, consent means enthusiastic. Informed, enthusiastic consent. This is crucial in a BDSM setting. Scenes can be extremely intense, especially for the bottom. What is Christian’s form of obtaining consent? Handing Ana a fucking contract highlighting all the things he wants to do her asshole and asking her to sign it. She was a virgin (Don’t even get me fucking started.) who had never before been exposed to BDSM. Entering in that kind of relationship takes a gargantuan amount of trust and knowledge so you know exactly what you’re getting into. Not reading a list of kinks on a piece of paper and signing your rights to say no away. Christian didn’t offer her resources, he didn’t offer her information. He gave her an ultimatum. That is not the sort of consent a responsible Dom/me would seek from their submissive.
Fuck. This. book. It’s written in a shitty way, it’s a terrible example of a BDSM relationship (ask anybody already involved in the lifestyle and watch them go blue in the face just thinking about it), which is already faced with enough prejudice and misunderstand, and it romanticizes and glorifies abuse.
And this post is going into my bookmarks, because it is beautiful.
What scares me most is the fact that people, misinformed and ignorant people, will now try to enter the community/find play partners with the dangerous ideas of what BDSM is. They won’t respect a sub, they won’t listen.
And that can seriously hurt people. People can DIE.
All of this. Anyone who is thinking about experimenting with a BDSM relationship PLEASE do not use this book as a guide. It can be VERY dangerous if not done correctly and safely. Communication is a HUGE FUCKING PART of a BDSM sexual relationship and it is simply not catered to in this book. There are tons of fanfiction authors on here and on AO3 who do BDSM justice. They write about safe words, aftercare, consent, all of it. Go find some of those instead of using this as a guide.
Hi! Thank you for this! :)
(You might notice that I followed you again. I accidentally clicked on unfollow button earlier while I was looking for your ask box on your page. I learned you don’t have one or it’s not enabled. I wanted to send you a tumblr ask but then, I just posted this reply.)
Again, thank you, nunufarhanah! :)
Araw-araw na lang, sasabihin ng Nanay ko na hindi na niya matatapos ipagawa ang bahay niya, dahil wala na siyang pera. Kahit sa mga taong bumabati kapag tinitignan ang bahay. “Hindi na nga matatapos dahil wala na akong pera, eh.”
Nakaka umay na. Kagustuhan niyang ipagawa ‘tong bahay niya. Wala mang nag utos sa kanyang ipagawa ‘to.
So last night, I had my orientation with my new boss under the new department I am in. Yes. After eight days of being hired, kagabi lang ang orientation. Beat that!
Tinanong niya ako, Mahiyain ka ba?
Pero Magna ka!
Na tsambahan lang po yun, with faint smile.
Sa isip ko, so kapag Magna Cum Laude, hindi dapat mahiyain?
Paulit-ulit niyang sinabi sa akin na dapat, pro-active ako. Kasi nga nasa PR na ako. Hindi na ako yung scriptwriter lang. At habang tinatype ko to ngayon, nag sink in sa akin na, ‘scriptwriter LANG’. Teka, ang sakit, a? Kung sa negative mo titignan.
Hindi kasi ako yung ma PR na tao. Hindi rin ako ma rapport. Ayoko nga ng small talks, e. Actually, lahat ng sinabi niya sa akin kagabi, alam ko na lahat. Talking to people to ease them before the interview, check. Writer/Field Reporter ako dati kaya ginagawa ko na yun. Be pro-active, check. Pero ayoko gawin. Dahil alam kong hindi ako ‘yon.
Sinabi niya rin sa akin kung ano yung mga pwedeng mangyari in time. Mga gagawin ko. I was like, wait lang. Ang alam ko, digital media ang inapplyan ko. Anyare? Bakit parang I need to interact with people more? I thought they need someone who is working in the background?
I know, I know, exposure ito para sa akin but I don’t wanna change myself. Alam ko ring may mga ginagawa tayo kahit hindi natin gusto but as much as possible, ayoko dahil I don’t want to lie to myself. Hindi naman sa demanding ako. Ako na nga ‘tong may trabaho. Thankful ako na may trabaho na ako ulit, syempre.
Sinabi niya rin na dapat matanong ako, pero nung nag uusap kami, lagi niya akong tinatanong if I have questions and all I said, wala po. Hindi kasi ako yung nagtatanong pa kapag naiintindihan at alam ko na yung mga bagay-bagay.
Part of me is saying na sinabi niya ang mga yon dahil she wants to help me loosen up, come out of my shell. To be not timid.
But you see, I am not like that. Well, let’s just cross the bridge when we get there. At tapos na yung dina-download ko. Yes!
At… yung contract ko, wala pa. Una kong gustong i-check, bukod sa sahod, ang job description ko.
Wala akong paki alam kung wala ang pangalan ko sa bagong packaging ng bote ng Coca-Cola. Basta, nasa isip at puso mo ang pangalan ko.polaris-kirsten | tumblr
Good morning. :)
Kanina, yung bago kong boss, tinanong ako. Tanong niya, Thea, kumakanta ka ba? Hindi po, sagot ko. Eh sumasayaw? Hindi rin po. Uma-act ka? Theatre-theatre? (Lalong) Hindi rin po.
Ah. So sa writing ka talaga saka directing? Opo. Pero konti lang po sa pagdirek.
Habang tinatanong niya ako, nasa isip ko habang sumasagot, Wala talaga akong talent. Tapos, sa isang bagay na alam kong gawin, ang baba pa ng confidence ko — ang pagsusulat. Kahit yung mga tao, sinasabi na magaling daw ako. Ewan ko ba. Ewan ko talaga sa sarili ko.
Yun lang. Konting kwento sa mga nangyari ngayong araw. Sana naging maayos at maganda ang araw niyo!
Well, it seems you always fall for guys who just hurt you in the end. Those guys who don’t have any plans on catching you. May you find that one person who will be there for you no matter what. And may you not let that person go. Don’t make a mistake of making or letting that person go.
I really need a “jelly case” for my phone. It slipped off my hand again. Shit. More dents and scratches, eh? And now, they are really visible.
Ugh. White or transparent jelly case, come to me or let me find one of you.
So, yeah. Because of the Typhoon Glenda, ravaging (uhh, is my term even right?) Metro Manila with signal number 3, here’s what I got aside from the terrible wind and sound of our roof that made me wake up by 2AM because I was freakin’ scared.
My books. My babies. :’(
This is the second time they got wet. The same books. The first one was when the water went inside our room because the wind blew our roof away weeks ago (Our house is under construction).
Keep safe, everyone!
Sounds of drops on the roof,
The road is definitely wet.
Slippery, ain’t lovely
but that’s just for some.
By the window you stare,
at the things that come and go.
Extend your arms, smell the wind.
Close your eyes, and feel the breeze.
Hear the sounds,
forget the pain,
heal the scars,
and let it rain.
Wow! For three days, I was able to accomplish the requirements I need for my new work which will start tomorrow.
But yeah, I still have some apprehensions. I should feel excited. I should. And happy.
Why do I always have to be a pessimist when everything seems to turn alright? How I hope I can change this.
And here I am again, feeling scared of tomorrow. I should feel excited instead.